i just walked by a scary co-worker. she's so scary that whenever she says something, i pretty much have to do it. she asked how much more weight i plan to lose.
"none!" i said defensively. "you should have seen how much i ate in memphis over the weekend. i had a hamburger AND a salmon burger at dinner on sunday. i've probably gained all my weight back by now."
she gave me the sternest, scariest look i've ever seen. ever. then she pretty much made me go weigh myself (yes, i realize i could have said, "hell no, i'm not weighing myself!" but i was scared).
i walked over to the scale. dammit. i mean, not dammit for me - i was down two pounds which isn't a bad thing when i'm technically in the overweight category based on my BMI. dammit because i know she's going to be scary when she finds out i've lost weight.
pouting, i walked back to her.
"how much are you down?" she could tell by the look on my face that i hadn't really gained back the weight that i told her i had probably gained.
"just two pounds."
"girl, you need to eat!" she said.
"I AM EATING!" i was super defensive at this point.
"you need to eat RIGHT!" she said.
she had a valid point; my daily diet usually consists of any combination of the following foods (i use the term "food" loosely. i should probably have used the words "empty calories"): croutons, cheez-its, pretzels, chipotle, rice krispie treats. oh, and diet mountain dew, of course.
"you probably have a terd up your butt!" she said. "i just care about you, that's all."
i told her i have a new project: to make her not care about me anymore. (although maybe i should first focus on getting this terd out of my ass??)
"honey, don't even try. you know its not going to happen."
and i walked away, still pouting.
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