things that make me laugh

• punkin.
• when lil sis stretches!
• your mom jokes.
• JMB.
• napoleon dynamite.
• when friend yells or texts me "wenis!"
• the word "underpants".
• "bring it on: all or nothing".
• piranha.
• people falling down or tripping.
• there's plenty of fish in the tank.
• sometimes when i'm alone, i google myself.
• "america's funniest home videos".
• when i fell in the chair in eureka springs.
• when my cousin fell from her plastic chair on thanksgiving a few years ago.
• "drunk white bitches for everybody!"
• santa abe.
• stupid people.
• idiot people who think they have everyone fooled.
• when people trip while running on a treadmill (yes, i've done it myself).
• do you want to drink coke out of a glass?
• be kind to your web-footed girly-men.
• periodface.
• i need to go check the trash can.
• my knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
• playing "where's waldo" with real people.
• playing "i-spy" on beale street. as a drinking game.
• gangsta speak.
• remembering when my cousins and i used to blow bubbles through a straw in our glasses of milk. and then we were told to go do that outside... so we did.
• when they call the kid "warren" in the movie "empire records".
• cutting blankets.
• he who runs with scissors.
• period boat.
• throwing clocks.
• "take your dad to work" day.
• stupid people.
• people who can't own up to their own mistakes.
• people who blame everything on someone else (yes, i realize that's almost the same thing, but its a little different).
• it is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho for the rest of your life.
• giant aquatic death machines.
• suicide by animal.
• she's probably deaf and can't read it.
• period swimsuit.
• buffalo water fountain.
• oh my god. turn of your phone!
• you will get a ticket.
• knock, knock, its your big mac.
• do you know what your problem is?
• and by "9", i mean "r"
• part of the reason i am such a whore is...
• its not easy being easy.
• i don't know. it probably has something to do with whatever the hell is inside of it.
• and by "7", i mean "j"
• smell my fingers.
• it can be the word of the day monday because you will have already had the labors.
• you f-ing cracker.
• and by "g", i mean "6"
• you don't do married men, and you don't do your brother.
• no more days have been happening.
• that's why my nipples are dark and not pink.
• check out that broad. she's blessed.
• there's a whole f-ing container of them behind the f-ing gas duster!
• i would not lie.
• so you can do a work of the jo.
• no, its a butt mat.
• period coke.
• stab it with your corkscrew broomstick.
• i like to draw teeth.
• i love anchors.
• what position do you play? bombs.
• he pooted. and then he farted, so i kicked him. cut the cheese. farted. cut the cheese. farter.
• gracias! i know how to draw grass. and dirt.
• why did he have to go upstairs? because he has to do some work. he WORKS HERE?!
• snow day, BITCHES!
• OMG.
• boo, you whore.
• get in loser. we're going shopping.
• i think its time for us to have a toast, let's have a toast for the douchebags, let's have a toast for the assholes, let's have a toast for the scumbags... every one of them that i know.
• sour patch kids commercials.
• stompin' in my air force ones.
• when the geese cross 119th street (or another street) and block traffic.
• i'm gonna pick the world up and drop it on your fuckin' head.