i need to tell you something.

so carl just told me that dreaded phrase: "i need to tell you something". i panicked. what could it be? does he want to break up? did he find someone else? is he cheating on me? does he want to move out? does he hate me? does he think i'm fat? why isn't he answering me?

no. i was way wrong.

"so i have this spoon at work that i use to eat yogurt in the mornings. right now i'm using it to stir my coffee. so as i was stirring it, i saw that there was something written on the handle... it says 'laptop lunches'. i have your laptop lunches spoon. i'm sorry".

"UGH!" i said. "i have been looking for it! i knew the fork was in the kitchen!"

"well i found it," he said.

i hate him. for having my spoon.